Letting Go of Toxic Friendships

Have you ever found yourself sad,depressed and uncertain about a friendship? Can you envision yourself stuck,shackled with no escape because you are afraid of letting go of  someone who hurt you? Nine times out of ten what you are experiencing is a toxic friendship. My definition of a toxic friendship is one that leaves you feeling empty,discouraged and lifeless. We hold on to them remembering good times and the fact that they were there during a difficult time or two. We feel like it's a reason to endure negative comments, not feeling enthusiasm from them when we get a new promotion, a new car or something as simple as a new hair-do. Real friends are there when things are messy and when things are well in your life. It is true that some people are comfortable when you are struggling, having family issues and not working towards your potential. Misery loves company! Is there any way to be harmonious through all highs and lows in life? Toxic friendships are not always toxic. But, I find this happens more with people who may have been childhood friends. People grow up and change and the people you may be comfortable around during high school and college change. There are milestones reached at different parts of individuals in a friendships life. These include: graduation from college, getting a stable career, getting married, buying a home and starting a family. And unlike high school, they may all happen at different times. 

Peer pressure is not something that is only common among adolescents, it can happen with adults also. You should live your adult life going at your own pace and not feel pressure or competition from anyone to go any faster. From experience, it will leave you  mentally and even physically drained. When this happens, the friendship is then deemed toxic. At this point, it's best to cut ties and move on. It's hard to do, but there are millions of people exactly where you are who feel the same way you do about letting go and moving on. Being in a toxic friendship doesn't enable you to be happy and productive in good spirits, it can hold you back. Having a friend, a person you trust,tell your secrets to and one you love express negativity when you are happy takes a toil on you mentally. You will either find yourself changing course, not feeling like you were good enough for whatever you set out to pursue and think something is wrong with you for making the choices you do. The first steps to coming out of this and having the courage to let go; is acknowledging that you don't like how you feel and you need to feel better about who you are knowing that you deserve the best! This simply means loving yourself, keeping yourself confidence and setting boundaries for everyone around you.But, make sure you are too a real friend! You cannot expect someone to treat you with love and respect and you not do the same. 

A friend is one who loves you unconditionally, will be a shoulder to cry on in despair and a ray of sunshine when there is joy and happiness in your life. They will always be honest but not in a way to make you feel less of a person. They will offer criticism to help you grow and will be able to take some themselves. (Be weary of those who refuse to take criticism about themselves but will always find a way to criticize you) A friend will know when to give you space, apologize when they are wrong and never use you for their convenience. If you have a person who only calls you when they want to go out, need someone to talk to or need someone to be competitive with; they are NOT friends they are enemies. Think long and hard about your associations. It's not about how many people you have around you, or even how long you've had those people there, what matters is the substance and the quality of the friendship. 

Lastly, if you are a person who has a hard time forgiving and forgetting. Just move on! People can change but if you don't have a heart to allow it you do yourself no justice by holding on. Sometimes, some things are best left alone to learn and grow. There is a lesson behind every hurt. And in the case of toxic friendships, you will get the same lesson until you truly learn and apply it to your life. There are some people in your life who come to get you to a another level. Embrace those people and try not to be too bitter. There is always a blessing in disguise. You just have to learn where to find it.